Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Fear? Darkness? NO! light is coming

Where am I? Who am I?
Questions and query... In my head spinning none stop.. I know it well that someone is holding my future.. I am starting to take things for granted due to this.. Is it that important to know who am I? That's my answer to my "head"... I choose to let go of myself.. I don't wish to know myself.. Knowing myself hurt more than I can imagine..
Pressure, pressure and pressure all around me.. I started to ponder on the pressure around me.. Is it necessary for me to take it that seriously? I know I can never work well in an environment full of pressure yet I need to put myself in that environment in order to survive.. Am I taking other's words too seriously instead of God's?
Where is the "child" inside of me? Seeking.. Searching.. Looking.. Eagerly I am finding.. yet.. I fail to find it..
The jovial, merry and bubbly me no more exist.. Somehow, I forget how to smile.. The word "smile" does it exist? Yes, it does.. but not in my world I presume? Darkness all around.. I choose to be in that world.. Wanting to overcome it, stand up and bring in brightness to the dark dark world seems to be a failure.. Due to depending on my own flesh..
God suddenly put in a song in my heart.. Know what?
Centre Of My Life
Let my walk speak loud
And my words be true
Let my life be whole and my eyes on You
Lord I'm stepping out, from the comfort zone
Letting go of me, holding on to You

Freedom comes, when I call You Lord
You are Lord, my God

You are the Centre of it all
The universe declares in awe
Your Majesty, I surrender all

I make You the Centre of my life
Lord I respond with all I am
You placed in me the song
Of Heaven's melody
Your Majesty, I live to sing Your song

Verse 2:
I have found Your peace,
it replaces any fear
You have done it all, I can trust in You
Lord I'm stepping out, from the comfort zone
Letting go of me, holding on to You
This is Your song, not mine
It is Your song, that brings healing to this land
This is Your song, not mine
It is Your song, that brings freedom
I know.. I know deep in my heart what does this song means.. The words.. Very familiar.. It is what God said previously.. I am hurting Him badly yet I am not doing something? Am I taking action? Hahaha.. I doubt till the max I am doing something to solve it..
Somehow, God present is very very real in me.. I am not imaging stuff or I am lying to myself.. but I can just feel him... So close, so near.. When I pray, I know He's listening..
A sister once asked me how come I always speak in tongue when I am driving. I said don't know. She said is it because you are not confident in your driving and she started laughing... [For your information, yes I do SIT while driving, regardless I'm alone nor fetching my friends. However, when I'm fetching non-christian friends I tend to pray in heart]
Deep in my heart, I actually want to say, I pray because I want to talk to God, no matter what I am doing, I don't wish to let go even a single second to speak to Him.. Know why? because I lost Him before.. Never wish to have that feeling ever in my life again.. I rather you take my life away! I rather suffer! but not taking His present from my life..
I am no one in this world.. Living in a world of lies and pressure.. Keep in mind one thing my dear.. THIS IS MY TEMPORARY HOME NOT PERMENANT! You want to attack me? COME! I am not scare to come face to face with you! I have nothing to fear but God! You want to condemn me? In your dream! You can never do that because God is there to protect and taking care of me! HAVE FAITH 633!


sephirot said...

"Lord I'm stepping out, from the comfort zone
Letting go of me, holding on to You

Freedom comes, when I call You Lord
You are Lord, my God

You are the Centre of it all"

you sing: you will step out from your comfort zone. Where is your comfort zone? feeling sad and pitiful that you cannot be with him anymore?

Letting go of yourself, holding on to God: are you holding on to God? or are you holding on to your problem?

Freedom comes when you call God your lord: Are you allowing yourself to be free when you call upon God, or are you trying to hide yourself inside a box?

Is God the centre of it all: or is your suffering and pain?

you claim that u have lost your child inside you, the jovial, merry and bubbly you. Is it true that you have really lost your inner "child" or have you've locked your inner "child" away to allow a spirit to take over?

which is more painful? moving forward together with your flesh hooked behind?


removing the hook from your flesh and moving forward?

God has blessed you alot since you've started knowing Him. So do NOT do something foolish that will REALLY break His heart.

willywilly said...

Your today's scripture message (James 5:19);
I'll do that far just to get you back, in all ways, because I cannot afford to see you getting away.

I'll do my part, and YOU WILL DO YOURS, promise?

I'll not say anything anymore, until and unless you want me to. But I'll pray, and pray, bcos I know the one who is holding you, is the One exactly I'm praying to. ONE God!

I know you love God, I know you know well too God loves you much. And I know you know what you're doing.

After this stage, you will fly, definitely fly to DaddyGod.

I pray,
I wait,
because I have faith,
because I know you will,
If not you, God.

Please do not choose to live in ignorance, it is pathetic.

Jia You. Fight against them. You're right, "in your dream!" only they can attack you. HAVE FAITH HAVE FAITH, JIA YOU JIA YOU!!!!


willywilly said...

Too harsh, too rash yesterday.

My apologies, was too worrying about you.

I'll learn to let go of my hand, and let you fly and choose ur own path, my dear...

Love you too much, sister...

I am Marcuz said...

Praise the Lord!


Hi Shang Shang! Im Yih Hon... if u remember lah... hehe...

yay... u r a sis in Christ... PTL PTL!!! hehe...

May God Bless u everyday!!!

- @ 3.3 @ - said...

Yih hon.. ur name sound super super familiar..where do i know u? i cant really recall~ mind telling me who u r once again? sorry for the trouble though =) god bless u 2~

- @ 3.3 @ - said...

yes sephirot, i know wat u mean.. theory? i knew it all.. no ned u to repeat those to me.. God speaks to me Himself.. =)

i know clearly what am i doing.. so dun wori.. thanks 4 advice though..

- @ 3.3 @ - said...

thank you for prayer sister.. God wil lead n He wil speak.. He is alive isnt He?

if i do fall, I will b sustain by Him.. Like He always do..

willywilly said...

Will there be a possiblity you yourself make yourself fall? My dear sister?

God will sustain you, yes He will, but never a reason for you to make yourself fall, you understand?

All the more when you think you're right and other's opinions are nothing to you but shit, don't you think it's time to test them with God's words? All the more, time for self-reflexion? Perhaps, appointment with Doctor Jesus?

A sick person won't say ownself sick.

Others won't simply make a statement such as this straight to your face, you think it's easy to say? you think it's nice sounding? you think it's not risky to lose a sister? but they're all-caring and all-loving.

You have your points, others has theirs as well. but God's words are the standard.

"Not trust in man, but God", do you actually know who "man" this psalm is referring to?

I dare throw out myself and ask you this:
"Are you REALLY know what you're doing? Or merely doing what you-know-well-what-you're-doing but perhaps, not what God wants?"

Dear, knowing clearly and doing what is right is NOT the same.

Transformation God bless:
Not just spirit, mental also body.
Has you today, allow God to transform your way of:
speeches? deeds? acts?
All the more, living your life IN COMFORMITY WITH GOD'S WILL?

And next question: are you sure??

It's time to say "wait a moment", instead of "no, you're wrong". :)


- @ 3.3 @ - said...

interesting words indeed.. yes i might not doing wat god's want me to do but i am trying my best to do so..

u r strong but it doesnt mean tat i am too.. same goes to sephirot.. i know both of u went through tones of challenges n suffering but always remember 1 thing, ppl need time to change..

knowing wat god's want n doing it is totally different thing.. i understand wat god's want but i know i am not doing it..

as for library matter.. i only have 1 goal in head.. to bring up the library.. u know y i am so keen on doing this? yes one of it is to prove mom's perception wrong but another will be bringing in God's name in the library.. Do u know how many christian r there in the lib? 2.. only 2.. previously there's 3.. wat happened? one of them i kicked out as not really tat good.. 2nd.. me.. i am not doing my job properly.. 3rd.. he's doing a very good job..

note this.. 2/3 represent sth on Christ.. you know how disappointed mom is towards Christian? u wont know as i didnt say anything.. i dun say doesnt mean i dun understand.. Why didnt i say u might ask.. keep in mind.. this is lib matter.. it is P&C whether u like it or not..

thz 4 caring anyway

- @ 3.3 @ - said...

i am trying my best to do wat god wants me to do.. but i cant guarantee wat wil happen in the future.. i can only try my best...

sephirot said...

Okay. Understood. All the best and God be with you.Take care.

- @ 3.3 @ - said...

Understood? haha.. good.. but.. what is done is done.. thz 4 caring.. god bless u too

~e^c*h@~ said...

Hi, shan(?), i stepped in by chance, then i decided to leave a message to you for 3 reasons.
1. need your help. as a blogspot user, how can i put songs on my blog just like what u did with Jay Chou's? should i download any software?
2. i don't think speaking in tongue only happens when someone feels insecure. yes, sometimes it does. for some other time, i speak in tongue just because i want to stay close to God.
3. 'weak' and 'weary' also appeared in my blog.

echo @ HK : )