Sunday, February 19, 2006

Scary...

Yesterday.... Is the day... I fear the most.. I seriously underestimated what God can really do! For some reason, I don't what happened as well, I told God to strike me with lighting... I am seriously out of my mind! I was not "me"!

It was raining heavily yesterday... Around 4pm... I was waiting for Ewilly to come over my house to fetch me.. I was making myself something to drink and suddenly this words came out from my mouth.. I said "God, it is raining now... How nice..." (For your information, I like the rain a lot) suddenly I said "I am very sinful..." In conjuction, I felt very very guilty.. Only God and I know what happened... Until the extend, I felt like I am not worthy to praise Him at all.. Not worthy to even talk to Him... Not worthy to even call out His name... Not even worthy to look up and say "I love You"... I keep on apologies.. Yes, I will never deny that I am sinful.. I will never... because I know... know that I am sinful in nature.. When I said this, in my heart I said to myself "God loves me very much, He will never do such thing even though I asked for it... Later I just repend then can already...

Note here... See how contradicting I am that time? I was totally blur! I struggled... Which to listen? For a moment, I lost myself... I tend to take things for granted...

Now.. what happened next shock me! I said "God, tell me where should I stand in order for you to punish me... Tell me the place that I should stand in order for the lighting to strike me..."

I seriously have no idea what got into me... Seriously don't know! I was at my living room that time, suddenly I went to the TV switch and on it. While I am walking to the couch, suddenly there is a explotion... Something like lighting strike on the TV. I... Totally stone... Looking at the TV... Nothing happened... I went to the switch, nothing at all.. No smoke, no burn, NOTHING.. My body was not with me for a while... I just stood there... I switch off the TV.. Scary!

I sat down and pray.. Then something came into my head.. What am I doing? What did I said just now? How come I said something like that? No matter how sinful I am, God will forgive and change me, IF I REPEND sincerely! I know that by faith, I am saved... How come suddenly I tend to take things for granted? All that I have, belongs to Him, never mine... but how come I came out with all this? I, myself was blur.. super blur.. Stress all around me.. I am like flying with the wind.. Scary!

However, I thank God for speaking to me through the sermon... I knew what went wrong in my life.. Now... I need to seriously need to... come back to Him... A breakthough will be happening in my life.. That is all I know... and that is what I believe...

A reminder to myself.....
=Phil=
Always remember this...

-Signing off-

2 comments:

SaDdNesZ.jc said...

that was scary...

If ever you get thoughts that contradict the word of God, PRAY... that usually is the devil trying to mess with your mind...

- @ 3.3 @ - said...

yea... I agree that I have many contradiction in me.. I am scare actually.. can't do anything and falling into the trap! prayer is the only thing I do.. nothing else..

thanks for reminding me to pray more =)