"You are a very busy person"
This is what most of my friends said when they asked me out and most of the time they got rejected.. I admit that though.. Some even said I have bad time management and even borrow me a book from the library! He went through troubles just to get me that but however I disappointed him by not reading it. Hahaha sorry.. [You know who you are..] Hey you gave me that book while I am facing tones of assignments and tests how you expect me to read... =p (excuses for myself).. Anyway, sorry... Appreciate your effort a lot though =) Thanks for caring..
Ok... Actually this is not the main purpose I wrote this blog... I am writing this because I want to tell the people who care for me that I like to write in order to express myself. Yes, I admit that my language is not good nor perfect but I try my very best to use words to describe my feelings, my days, my everything...
Some people even asked me whether my ambition is to be a writter as I keep on updating my blog... =.=" NO I don't wish to be a writter as I know I am not even qualify to do so.. Though I like to read novel a lot but I just can't write something that is touching people's heart... I'm not gifted in this area.. Hehe..
Have you ever ask yourself how come you created a space in the internet [blog] just to write something in it? Have you ever ponder on this question? Well, without doubt I can tell you, I created a blog with a purpose.. Which is to express myself.. A friend once told me that if one day, I didn't write a post in blog, I won't die nor the blog set in the rules and regulations saying that it is a compulsory to update blog everyday... He said this because I am can't make time to learn something regarding the library system... Yes, I don't deny the fact that it is not compulsory and I should use the time on other stuff.. But.. I choose to update my blog...
Why? because I want to express myself.. You might say "Hey, that's what friends for, you can share stuff and feelings with them".. True.. So true.. I agreed on that fact.. However, I choose to write rather than talk.. Because of one thing.. All I need is a listener and not a person who tell you what to do and what you did is not right.. This is what I get normally when I shared my stuff...
I really miss my secondary friends because they are willing just to sit down with me whole day and just listen to my uninteresting story.. Looking back I realise that the time they spend on me is very precious to me.. But now I prefer to write as I know when I speak most of the time I will get into bigger troubles.. I ended up fighting with friends and have tones of miscommunication..
I always pack myself with activities, no matter how tired I will get I don't mind.. Know why? because I am trying my very best to forget about my past... Having no time to even think about it so that I won't be sad. Do you think I am not trying my very best to look at God? All you all see is I am a stubborn person who choose not to let go... I don't mind at all.. I don't even care what you all think.. That is why I said " It doesn't matter" to a close friend.. I know I hurted her deeply but seriously it hurt me more when I said that word! You won't know.. I know.. I don't even care to tell as I know God is there looking after me and I know God knows well what I am doing..
Yes, I do admit that my heart is still with my ex and that's the thing that made me furthur from God, do you think I don't know that? Telling me all those words that I know it is the way I should be carrying out my life doesn't really help me as I already know what I am suppose to do! Do you think God is died? Do you think He won't speaks and rebukes me when I am not putting my sight on him? You know how many times God have spoken to me? You will never know as I didn't share and I don't think I want to share as I know the next thing you all will say is...
"See how rebelious are you.. God already said it so clearly some more you don't want to let go, do you know you are hurting God's heart?"
Something similar to this sentence will FOR SURE come out.. Sick... I am sick of listening to all this.. because it is not encouraging me at all but making me feeling even more guilty to even face God! Know what? One day, I even wanting to stop reading the bible as I think of human's words too much untill I think I am not even qualify to touch my bible as the book is too holy... Luckily the spirit reminded me the promised I made to God.. See how words can condemn a person?
That is the main reason I write blog.. because after I write a post I know I won't need to go through all those words from human's mouth.. Rebuke me, scold me, write harsh words in my blog comment... I don't mind at all.. because I am not hearing it from a human's mouth.. In addition, a close friends, brothers and sisters in Christ.. I felt better this way..
Anyway, thanks for spending time reading my boring blog.. Thanks for even leave a comment in my blog.. I appreciate all you all have done for me in my life.. If I offended anybody through this post, I would like to apologies... I have no intention to "shoot" someone or rebuking others but just wanting to drop a piece of mind in this blog as I am not a strong person that can take all those words so often... May God bless all of you..