God is with us...

"Sometimes if God really answer your prayer it might not be a good thing for that guy you are praying for because we only pray following our own heart [own pleasure] and that's why sometime we do not know what we are praying for.. Due to that, the guy might suffer because of your prayer!"

This is what I was told by a friend... Haha.. My faith is not shaken by this words, Praise the Lord!

One thing that I would like to point out in this sentence of his... I just want to point out a bible verse to him....

"Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts. " (James 4:3)

Since he's reading KJV version so I think it is better to put KJV here. Hehe.. A simpler english "You make your request but you do not get it, because your request has been wrongly made, desiring the thing only so that you may make use of it for your pleasure".

Do you think Lord will give you something that you pray for your own pleasure? Think twice then... If that guy that I pray for will suffer, I still believe whole-heartedly that The Lord is there with him. God will never gives him something that he can't bare! Suffering make you a stronger person! Always remember that..

All praise to God...

A day... A day... A day that I do not know how to express myself....

A day... A day... A day that I do not know how to describe my feeling at all...

A day... A day... A day that I do not know how to face the Lord...

Words can't be used to describe my feeling,

Actions can't be used to indicate what is in my mind,

Keeping myself as quiet as possible is all I want to do right now.

I failed to find words nor actions to describe my day...

I got my result today.. Hmm... I got 4 B+

Looking at my result I don't think I deserved that yet I am complaining that I should get higher grades... However, when I reached home something just strike me...

"Did you study?"

This words.. Reminded me.... That I didn't study enough for the exam yet I got all B+ and the irony thing is I am complaining! *Ashame* Who am I to complain? Shouldn't I be thanking God for the blessing? I did pass all my subject after all and the result is better than what I am expected earlier!! I realise I have become a little result-oriented...

My eyes is somehow blinded by the world... All I can think off is money that I can earn in the near future with great result, my scholarship and many more about MONEY! Who said that with good result you can be successful in the future? Does Donald Trump and Bill Gates have good result? Aren't them famous and successful now?

A reminder to 633: Study hard and study smart for the Lord!

I read something very interesting while I am waiting for another class to start. Its goes

"Worship has nothing to do with receiving; it has everything to do with giving. You can't come to the Lord clinging to all of the things you hold dear and still really worship the Master. Your most expensive and prized possessions have to be emptied out before your worship will be pleasing to God. You must pour out pride and jealousy. You must pour out anger and lust. Fear and resentment must be poured out. Idolatry must be poured out. To worship the Lord in all sincerity, you must willing to take anything you treasure that is holding you back from worship and release it at the feet of Jesus. Then God can give you what He wants for you."

[cited from "And We Are Changed", Priscilla Shirer, foreword by Anne Graham Lotz]

Are you worrying too much on your future, like what I was worrying when I received my result? Is there holding you from worshiping the Lord? Money? Relationship? Past relationship? Family? Well this passage came out just nice... Applicable for what happened to me today.. I hope this will be a reminder to everyone of you out there...

L-o-V-e

L is for the way you look at me

O is for the only one I see

V is very, very extraordinary

E is even more than anyone that you adore can

Love is all that I can give to you

Love is more than just a game for two

Two in love can make it

Take my heart and please don't break it

Love was made for me and you



L is for the way you look at me

O is for the only one I see

V is very, very extraordinary

E is even more than anyone that you adore can

Love is all that I can give to you

Love is more than just a game for two

Two in love can make it

Take my heart and please don't break it

Love was made for me and you

Love was made for me and you

Love was made for me and you

I feel in love with this song somehow... Hope you enjoy the lyrics and song hehe... A big thanks to Micheal for going through all those troubles to look for this song for me! THANK YOU!!!! So touch! So thankful and appreciate your effort a lot!!!! Thanks! BIG BIG THANKS!!! Hoho/// Super happy~

Undying love of God

I don't want to live

even one more day

in the darkness of mine.

My past haunted me so badly,

and the only thing that

sustain me is the word of God.

I fell, I cried, I pray, I plead,

for a breakthrough in my life to occur.

He came in my life,

wanting to take away

my pain, my sorrow, my past.

Bringing light into my life,

bringing joy into my life,

yet I allowed my past to blindfold me again.

Temptations are all around me,

no matter how I fight,

no matter how I flee,

I fall again and again and again.

Depending on my flesh,

depending on my own knowldge,

tend to make me fall and

drawing me away from God.

I failed to surrender totally into His hand.

However, He tells me something that melted my heart,

No matter how bad my past is,

no matter how rebelious I am now,

He still choose to be with me..

He demanded the stone be removed

from the door of my heart.

and I shall be called out from the darkness,

His undying love.....

Will always be with me...

Lord, I just want to be with You...

When I say... "I am a Christian"

When I say... "I am a Christian"

by Maya Angelou

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I'm not shouting "I'm clean living."

I'm whispering "I was lost,

"Now I'm found and forgiven.

When I say..."I am a Christian"

I don't speak of this with pride.

I'm confessing that I stumbleand

need CHRIST to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I'm not trying to be strong.

I'm professing that I'm weakand

need HIS strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I'm not bragging of success.

I'm admitting I have failedand

need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I'm not claiming to be perfect,

My flaws are far too visiblebut,

God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I still feel the sting of pain,

I have my share of heartaches

So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I'm not holier than thou,

I'm just a simple sinner

who have received God's grace, somehow.

A meaningful day..

HO~HO~HO~ It's my birthday! AMEN!!!! Give thanks to the Lord for He has given me the opportunity to be born in this world as a human =)

A very special day... 24th March 1986... In Sentosa Hospital [now the hospital is demolished T.T I don't even have the chance to see that hospital! However, I have been to that place after the hospital is no longer there...] , a very loud cry from the delivery room. After 10 months of pregnancy, with great pain, with tears in the eyes, a great women have gave birth to a baby girl.. Blood covering the small little girl yet a smile is hung on everyone's face.. Everyone wanted to get their hands on the new born child... Wanting to know how the child looks like, wanting to know how cute the little one is, wanting to know what the baby girl is doing at that very moment...

The hospital is filled with joy, happiness and pleasant atmosphere... That baby girl is given a name... A name that is given by her grandfather and mom... A name with a great meaning in chinese... Lau Shan Shang.. 劉珊杉....

Well in chinese, 珊湖 is coral. Well coral are always described as beautiful and unique. As for 杉, there is a tree in Japan called "Shan shu" [杉樹], it is super tall as though its touching the sky! So by combining the two words, it actually bring out the meaning of beautiful and tall. That what my grandparents and parent wished for... A girl that is beautiful and tall will soon be rise up by them.... Hmm... Disappointment?? Hehe..

I am seriously very happy right now... Looking at how God has blessed me through my birthday... I will talk about my birthday celebration in the next post.. Hahaha.. Long story! Super long story.. It is almost 3.15am and I am still here, in front of the PC writing this... It is my birthday! hehehe... Too excited...

Strong word with a vision...

Nothing is more agonizing than getting rid of our sin and killing our sinful nature. Still we must get used to obeying God and start following Abraham's example...

= Martin Luthur =

Wao... Super strong words! I was awaken by this sentence! Thanks for sharing it with me Micheal, appreciate it a lot.... It applied in my life perfectly~

Listener....

Value of Listening

a) Listening show respect to the speaker.

b) It build up a relationship, by listening you could build up a closer relationship as sharing required a certain trust in each other.

c) Listening will eventually increase our knowledge. Hearing from others' experience, we manage to know how a person feel in certain situation. We manage to learn and see things from different view. Our view are widen indirectly.

d) By listening to others, you are manage to generate ideas. Two brains are always better than one!

e) As a listener, you are able to build a loyalty with the speaker(s). The more we listen to others, the more trust among each other will gain!

As a leader, we should listen more and speak less! It is easy to talk but it is harder to quiet youeself down to listen! Are you doing the same thing in your quiet time? You speak more than you listen? When God wants to speaks to you, is He given a chance to talk? Hmmm... Interesting lesson to learn.. I am currently learning this lesson and it is super hard to learn!

p/s A leader should speak when it is necessary!

Kambate in life o~~

I believe some of you know what happened to me recently... Don't wish to talk all those stuff here but keep me in prayer for those who know what happened...

I believe whole-heartedly that all the events that happened in my life is a test from God... Trials to test the level of my faith... God will never put a test on you when He knows you can't take it, so I believe I can go through all this hardship if I am faithful towards God... It is always difficult to go through all those trials but what kept me walking towards God is His words... I always remind myself that suffering made me strong so press on and you shall see God's grace! KAMBATE!!!

因你先如此待了我

以前, 我跑, 月亮跟我跑;

我跳, 太陽跟我跳;

我笑, 小草跟我笑!

現在, 心瓣上塊大石頭, 壓得我發昏!

跑不得跳不得笑不得......

我懷念往日的自由.

自由地想東西, 自由地笑, 自由地做自己.....

我決定了, 打碎 "它"

怨恨, 仇視, 苦毒.....

用十字架流下來的愛....

大石頭化成了石粉, 紛紛飄下, 那景象, 好美....

煙會消云會散,

有甚麼怨甚麼仇甚麼恨甚麼傷"值得"

我犧牲從上帝來的平安和喜悅....

寬恕的主啊!

我曾受你的寬恕和赦罪之恩,

叫我也像你一樣, 坦然寬恕, 因你先如此待了我....

幾飯
[taken feom The Youth Way, Dec 2005]

God's promises

God have not promised skies always blue

Flower strewn pathways all our lives through

God have not promised sun without rain

Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

God have not promised smooth roads and wide

Swift, easy travel, needing no guide.

Never a mountain rocky and steep

Never a river turbid and deep

But God have promised strength for the day

Rest for the labor, light for the way

Grace for the trials, help from above

Unfailing sympathy, undying love.

Winner VS Loser

I got this from the library.. Hehe.. Very interesting and encouraging I hope all of you learn something here.. ^^

Winner VS loser

The winner – is always part of the answer;
The loser – is always part of the problems;

The winner – always has a program;
The loser – always has an excuse;

The winner – says “Let me do it for you;”
The loser – says “That’s not my job;”

The winner – sees an answer for every problem;
The loser – sees a problem for every answer;

The winner – sees a green near every sand trap;
The loser – sees two or three and traps near every green;

The winner – says “It may be difficult but it is possible;”
The loser – says “it may be possible but it is too difficult.”

Be a winner….

Give thanks....

I came back from the CF camp on Sunday evening and I am a bit worn out. I give thanks to the Lord that I am still feeling alright after the trip. However, I am now currently suffering a very bad sore throat... Too much of Oreo and lack of water.. Tsk tsk tsk.. Pray for me ah brothers and sisters....

Pray for all the CF members as well.. Praise the Lord we are getting bigger in number and we are getting closer to each other after the camp.. Pray that each and everyone will be strong and will experience transformation after the camp! Well Hallelujah, I heard there is a transformation among the CF memebers after the camp! I hope he will share his transformation in CF at this coming Friday... I just want to say thank you to Mr Loh, all the committee members and all the participants, for making this camp so wonderful to me.. In conjuction of God's present, this is consider a unforgetful camp to me.. Thank you to all... As for the new comers like Micheal, Paul and Joe, WELCOME! I not sure whether do you all read my blog but I will keep you all in my prayer =)

I learn something from this camp.... I don't spend much time with God due to running after worldly stuff, which is money! I work too much and I realise myself becoming more like a workaholic... Eventually my time with the Lord is cut down.. God reminded me once again in the camp that whatever I hold on now will not last but if I hold on to Him and always put Him first, and all will be provided for me. Why work so hard when God can just gives you everything and all you need to do is to put Him first? Humans.. Thinking too much...

I learn something after I came back from the camp.. God gives and He takes away if we misused it. God took away my computer for almost 1 week and it is seriously killing me as I can't write blog to express myself! However, I manage to get closer with God! I give thanks to Him... He is so real to me for the past few days... Even now! He rebuked me... I give thanks to Him....

Who? Where? When? What? How?

7 more days to go and I am 20... So old.. hoho.. Welcome to the "20 club"... Sad case.. I just changed my song in this blog, which is my favourite song, Canon in D. I still remember a guy that I used to have a crush on him [Infatuation *smile*] played that song using his house piano, while I am sitting right next besides him... Sound so romantic when I think back haha..

Many memories flash back in my mind... Very sweet memories.. Who I am when I first join APIIT and who am I right now.. There is a big different... I know I didn't turn out to be more beautiful as others do, in fact, I might look "pregnant" in someone's eyes but I know I gain something priceless in my life... Know what? An opportunity to meet with God personally..

People who don't know me may catogeries me as a super cool people and look at me as very proud person. In their eyes I might be a person who is not friendly and don't know the word "smile". They might say I look pregnant as too fat, might say I don't have a nice body figure and bad taste in dressing... Wao if I really write I am afraid I will write until the end of my life and yet I can't finish this list!

Know what? It doesn't matter... because I know God knows my heart well.. Yes, I don't deny that sometimes the decision that I made in life might made some of you all ponder whether am I alright. To others, my decision might be disturbing you, my decision might be irrational, my decision might sound ridicules. But do take note of something... It is YOUR opinion, YOUR thinking, YOUR perception... NOT MINE... I am who I am not who you said I am. There is (are) reason(s) I act in such a way.. So please don't judge me before you even know me! All I want is to follow what God said.. I know it is impossible for me to follow each and every words that He said as I am a sinful person but I try.. I try and I try my very best to run towards Him!

It is your mouth not mine and that's why I don't even have the authority or power to say "stop judging me and come and know me in person before you judge!" In fact, you can say anything you wish.. Anything you want to say... But let me remind you something, God is watching each and every step you are taking in your life. God knows what you have said and did in your life! Yes, each and every single thing in your life, He knows...

Besides that, it is written in the bible, the "ruler" that you used to "measure" people, God will used back the same "ruler" that you used to "measure" you! What goes around comes around... You will get it one day.. God will rebuke you!

My Prayer.....

Heavenly Father, help me not to judge others as You are the ultimate Judge. Help me Lord not to condemn others when I tell them about their flaws. Help me Lord to be humble in any circumstances. Help me Lord as I am lack of knowledge and wisdom in speaking. May your spirit lead me in communicating with others, may I only speak what You want me to speak. All this I pray in Jesus name. Amen.

How big is God? Bigger than your troubles?

I have something very interesting to share with all... One of my brother in Christ wrote this and gave me some questions to ponder on... I really hope this passage "speaks" to all of you as how its "spoke" to me... It might looks a bit long but trust me it is definitely worth reading it.. Enjoy..

Many times, we hear and read about the fact that God is so big, bigger than our problems, bigger than anything in the world.

While the fact is true, many of us don't realize the fullness of its meaning. At times, perspective checks are helpful.

Firstly, imagine looking down at yourself from the top, like one of those satellite cameras (e.g. Google Earth). Picture yourself alone in your room. Now, zoom out a bit, and picture your house, still from the top. Imagine all the other rooms in the house, occupied with your family. Got it? Good. Now zoom out a but more and picture your neighbourhood, with its many families like yours living in it.

The people look like ants from here, right? Zoom out a wee bit more and imagine looking down on the town or city you're in. The many many neighbourhoods and industrial areas and so on. Can you see yourself now? Zoom out more! Picture the state which you live in, all hundred or more cities and all. Wow, we're really tiny now, are we?

I dare you to zoom out again. Now you're lookoing at the topographical map of your country, with its 14 states (if you're in Malaysia). Are you lost? Don't be, it's not the end yet. Zoom out more and see your continent. Zoom outagain and picture the Earth. Compare now, how far you've zoomed out. It's kinda too much to take it all in right?

Zoom out further! See Earth, together with the other planets, orbiting the Sun. It's our solar system! And if that's not enough, zoom out further and picture the Milky Way galaxy. The galaxy we're in is comprised of a billion or so stars, most of them bigger than our sun (our Sun is one of the smallest stars in the galaxy). And to think, each star most likely has their own solar system.

And well, if your mind is not blown by now, imagine the universe in its entirety. All few hundred galaxies, which has it's billion stars, which has their own systems, with their own planets, and on one blue little planet the continents, the countries, the states, the cities, the neighbourhoods, the people......and you.

Now, for the final trick.

Imagine God, bigger than the universe He has so wonderfully made. Bigger than all the hundreds of gazillion stars and plants and countries which are even too big for us to think about. That's our God!

Our God is so big and mighty, He is just plain indescribable.

Whenever you face troubles that are larger than yourself, just remember, you have a God who is infinitely larger. And when you start to get proud, whether because of position or fame, just remember, how tiny you are compared to His glory.....

Question to ponder on....
1)Do you get overwhelmed by life ans its troubles and delights often?
2) Do you lose perspective of God's greatness often?
3) How does the 2 questions above tie t oeach other?

Meaningful isn't it? Well are you worry about your life now? Is there anything that burden you? Have you surrender those troubles and burden in God's hand? If yes, why worry? If you have surrender yet you still felt troubled, that's not a full submition to God, my friends... Lift up each and every things in your life into God's hand and put trust in Him... That simple... and all will be done....

Kuantan? hohoho...

Hohoho... Know what? Hehe.. IT IS THURSDAY! Hallelujah~ Tomorrow! I am waiting.. Waiting since.. since.. I lost count haha..

Kuantan here I come~ I miss TC... Hehe.. Well I like the beach like a mad girl... I still remember I saw.. I saw... I saw... A sky full of star... How I wish that day I brought the mat with me! How I wish to lie down on the sandy beach.. Looking above... My wish: - Lie down on the sandy beach with my partner and just look at the star... It will be better if we have a candle light dinner on the beach hahaa.. [Dreaming! Do excuse me.. I am super stress lately.. hehe..]

Haha.. actually Kuantan is just not the place for me.. maybe it is way too relax.. way too peaceful, I am not used to the environment thus I look at Kuantan as "kind of boring"... Or maybe because i got myself a bad "tour guide"... Hahaha.. You know who you are =p
No offence to Kuantan people.. It is a nice place though... *peace*

God is always good to me.. This I know it by heart.. Lately, I think of him a lot.. I manage to find a way to at least reduce the thinking of my past.. Hallelujah.. When I think I will speak in tongue non-stop.. Speak, speak and speak.. Letting the spirit to have full control on my head.. Besides that, working really helps me a lot... Making me to tired to even think! I praise the Lord for keep on speaking to me.. Pray in persistence.. This is what God said.. Peace from above plus strength from above equals to... Nothing I can't do by having God besides me..

Birthday wishes...

PACKED!!!! Super pack! I can barely breathe now! Haha.. Need some time just to relax... I am currenntly looking forward for the Christian Fellowship camp on Friday.. 2 more days... HoHoHo...

My birthday is coming soon.. However, I am not that happy about it.. Sign... I fail to save money.. My dream.. Gone... with the wind.. CHILIS! sob... sob.. Amy, Ewilly, Bi Yan and chicken, my plan.. "boiled soup" NO CHILIS this year.. heheh nevertheless we can go there and look from the outside then say "goodbye" hehehe... Desperate man me hahaa.. Waiting this moment for almost 1 year.. T.T Disappointed..

When I talk about birthday suddenly it reminded me of Ewilly.. She always "remind" people about her birthday haha.. Ok.. This year I follow her style.. However, I want to be more ganas than her hahaha...

24th march, 24th march, 24th march, 24th march, 24th march, 24th march, 24th march, 24th march, 24th march, 24th march, 24th march, 24th march, 24th march, 24th march, 24th march, 24th march, 24th march, 24th march, 24th march, 24th march, 24th march,

is my birthday.. Hahaha...

Ho Ho Ho.. How do I do? Better than you or not Ewilly? Hehe.. So remember to send in your wishes and flood this blog! hahaha... I will be very happy to receive all those "gifts" from you.. I will be so touch..

[p/s I need to borrow tissue from you if I cry hahaha]

Still remember the first year you all celebrate birthday with me? Oh my... I cried... hahah.. Very touch! Some more.. hehe.. got my favourite google and CD.. Wah.. happy time... Then second year.. Yuen steamboat.. Hoho.. A big bible! With a very big big big suprise.. My very first secret recipe cake, some more chocolate banana cake! Although the cake came in late... But it came with a very big surprise... I was seriously happy and shock! You are serisouly good at covering! hahaha... Super happy..

My secondary friends did celebrate with me also..Treat me to Pizza Hutt! Celebrate with Bi Yan.. Gave me bracelet! Cristal bracelet.. Hoho.. super happy.. hahah I think most of you all realise I like bracelet a lot huh.. However, last year I was kind of sad as someone very important in my life message me saying he meet an accident! Then only I learn that he lied to me as it is April Fool.. I cried like mad that time.. However, I manage to enjoy myself with my friends..

Ho Ho Ho.. My family... BIG BIG CAKE for a SMALL SMALL me.. =) love them very much! hehe..

I like cake a lot.. Chocolate banana cake! White chocolate cheese cake! Oreo cheese cake! Tiramitsu! Wah tones of them! Secret recipe~ Yam Yam =D~ hahaah... Last year I am very happy as I got a lot of blessing.. haha.. I received many cakes.. Most of them are banana cakes.. wao.. A lot of memories.. flowing in my head.. Happy moments.... Yet it is short...

Every year, without fail... I have a memorable birthday hopefully this year will be the same..

Suffering makes you stronger..

Wanting to share something with everyone in this blog.. A personal experience... Today the Lord reminded me this lesson once again through the sermon... I hope you all can pick up something from this post..

Well as a human.. Normally this is what I will ask the Lord when I am in difficulties and suffering...

"How come I need to go through suffering and difficulties?"

A question that most of the people like to ask God... Including myself!

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose.

[Romans 8:28]

Suffering produces perserverance, perserverance, character; and character, hope. And hope doesn't disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.
[Romans 5:4-5]

"Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?"

[meaning, My God, My God, why you forsake me?]

A moment to ponder: Have you ever said this to God? If yes, continue reading...

"Never will I leave you, Never will I forsake you!"

[Deutronomy 31:8, Joshua 1:5, Hebrew 13:5]

"If so... Where is God when life hurts?"

This might be your next question I presume?

God comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
[2 Corinthians 1:5]

Well, if I really know by heart that God is with me then how come my prayer are not answered by God? Isn't it written in the bible that 'Ask and it will be given. seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks the door will be opened' "

possible answer...

1) It is not the time for you to receive what you pray for...

2) God have better plans for you...

3) You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasure.

[James 4:2-3]

Always keep in heart.. Yes we suffer.. Why? because we are getting closer to God.. Don't take all this as a burden or something that will cause you a breakdown but you should know better than me that why we are facing all this... Becuase.. God is testing our faith.. Are we that weak? Multiplication is near.. Tones of attacks will come but at this very stage you gave up and there is a lot of anger in you.. Hmmm.. Isn't that contradicting with what you told me? Asking me to put my sight on God, but what you wrote in your blog... Is that from God also? Now I post back the question to you.. You should know me by now what type of person I am.. When I am under stress, situation, or pressure what do I do? I quiet myself.. The reason is simple.. I want to be alone and you and I know what will happen next if I don't... Situation like this will occured.. Don't push me too much as I said before I am not a person that function well in pressure.. If you wish to let go of everything that is concerning CG, let it be.. I won't say a word anymore on this as I know the consequences you will need to bare it on your own. Same as me, I will need to bare my own cross as well...

Something that ppl dun get me...

"You are a very busy person"

This is what most of my friends said when they asked me out and most of the time they got rejected.. I admit that though.. Some even said I have bad time management and even borrow me a book from the library! He went through troubles just to get me that but however I disappointed him by not reading it. Hahaha sorry.. [You know who you are..] Hey you gave me that book while I am facing tones of assignments and tests how you expect me to read... =p (excuses for myself).. Anyway, sorry... Appreciate your effort a lot though =) Thanks for caring..

Ok... Actually this is not the main purpose I wrote this blog... I am writing this because I want to tell the people who care for me that I like to write in order to express myself. Yes, I admit that my language is not good nor perfect but I try my very best to use words to describe my feelings, my days, my everything...

Some people even asked me whether my ambition is to be a writter as I keep on updating my blog... =.=" NO I don't wish to be a writter as I know I am not even qualify to do so.. Though I like to read novel a lot but I just can't write something that is touching people's heart... I'm not gifted in this area.. Hehe..

Have you ever ask yourself how come you created a space in the internet [blog] just to write something in it? Have you ever ponder on this question? Well, without doubt I can tell you, I created a blog with a purpose.. Which is to express myself.. A friend once told me that if one day, I didn't write a post in blog, I won't die nor the blog set in the rules and regulations saying that it is a compulsory to update blog everyday... He said this because I am can't make time to learn something regarding the library system... Yes, I don't deny the fact that it is not compulsory and I should use the time on other stuff.. But.. I choose to update my blog...

Why? because I want to express myself.. You might say "Hey, that's what friends for, you can share stuff and feelings with them".. True.. So true.. I agreed on that fact.. However, I choose to write rather than talk.. Because of one thing.. All I need is a listener and not a person who tell you what to do and what you did is not right.. This is what I get normally when I shared my stuff...

I really miss my secondary friends because they are willing just to sit down with me whole day and just listen to my uninteresting story.. Looking back I realise that the time they spend on me is very precious to me.. But now I prefer to write as I know when I speak most of the time I will get into bigger troubles.. I ended up fighting with friends and have tones of miscommunication..

I always pack myself with activities, no matter how tired I will get I don't mind.. Know why? because I am trying my very best to forget about my past... Having no time to even think about it so that I won't be sad. Do you think I am not trying my very best to look at God? All you all see is I am a stubborn person who choose not to let go... I don't mind at all.. I don't even care what you all think.. That is why I said " It doesn't matter" to a close friend.. I know I hurted her deeply but seriously it hurt me more when I said that word! You won't know.. I know.. I don't even care to tell as I know God is there looking after me and I know God knows well what I am doing..

Yes, I do admit that my heart is still with my ex and that's the thing that made me furthur from God, do you think I don't know that? Telling me all those words that I know it is the way I should be carrying out my life doesn't really help me as I already know what I am suppose to do! Do you think God is died? Do you think He won't speaks and rebukes me when I am not putting my sight on him? You know how many times God have spoken to me? You will never know as I didn't share and I don't think I want to share as I know the next thing you all will say is...

"See how rebelious are you.. God already said it so clearly some more you don't want to let go, do you know you are hurting God's heart?"

Something similar to this sentence will FOR SURE come out.. Sick... I am sick of listening to all this.. because it is not encouraging me at all but making me feeling even more guilty to even face God! Know what? One day, I even wanting to stop reading the bible as I think of human's words too much untill I think I am not even qualify to touch my bible as the book is too holy... Luckily the spirit reminded me the promised I made to God.. See how words can condemn a person?

That is the main reason I write blog.. because after I write a post I know I won't need to go through all those words from human's mouth.. Rebuke me, scold me, write harsh words in my blog comment... I don't mind at all.. because I am not hearing it from a human's mouth.. In addition, a close friends, brothers and sisters in Christ.. I felt better this way..

Anyway, thanks for spending time reading my boring blog.. Thanks for even leave a comment in my blog.. I appreciate all you all have done for me in my life.. If I offended anybody through this post, I would like to apologies... I have no intention to "shoot" someone or rebuking others but just wanting to drop a piece of mind in this blog as I am not a strong person that can take all those words so often... May God bless all of you..

=signing off=