Everything happened for a reason..

Since young, my parents always tell me one thing.. "Shan, study hard so that next time people will employ you. Then you will have work to do and money to spent. Eventually, you will have a family of your own and just be independent."

"Well, not that I will listen to them anyway..." Kids will always be kids... How immature I am in those days... I really regret on letting go all those precious knowledge... It is like throwing gold into the sea without any reason. Stupid isn't it? As the saying goes "不听老人言， 吃亏在眼前” Who to blame but myself?

Before I meet with the Lord, I only have one thing in my head... To leave KL, to depart from my parents and don't wish to come back anymore. Yes, last time, to me, parents are that hard to get along. Parents are that irritating, parents are that unloving. I used to think that there's no such thing as "love" in this world... Even the closest person in your life, people who are related to you, people who share partial of the same genetic with you, doesn't even care about you. I used to think that even family doesn't have "love", will you expect me to expect "love" from friends?

I used to hate the song "天下的妈妈都是一样的”. Why? Simple... Because when I am young and immature, I used to think that my mom is somehow different from other mothers in the world. She never seems to pour out her love to me. Everything I got from her is scolding, scolding and more scolding. Can you imagine you mom telling you straight on the face that she regreted giving birth to you? Furthermore, she said that in public... Somehow or rather, that image seems to stuck in my head until now. Eventually leads me to the thinking of leaving them behind in KL. When I meet with the Lord, I hate myself for being immature. I never seems to realise the saying "spare the rod and spoilt the child" until I really see how my mom went through all those struggling in her life... It is never easy being a mother yet I fail to see that during my young age. I thank God for opening my eyes now!

Since young, I wish to learn up things regarding beauty and make up. My parents?? As a typical money-oriented person, say NO to me... Sigh... "Get a degree then only study all those things. If no degree don't even dream of studying all those" That's the only answer I got from them.. I got lecture from time to time to "brain wash" me.. My second choice? Hotel management... ANOTHER NO... I started to curse like mad... This can't that can't, what is this? My choice? Then might as well enroll me in any university and let me suffer there! Well, they really wanted to do that at that time! Mom kept on forcing me to take pharmacy as one of my cousin studied the subject and is now working happily in Sinagapore and well paid. I told her I have no objection on it, just enroll me and I shall fail all the subject for her. You won't want to know how bad I am in Biology. How I hated Biology.. Haha..

No where to run, I just followed my brother footstep. This is the only thing that they will not give me a "no" as an answer. I took up IT. I never like computer actually but for the sake of "making my parents happy" and I need a degree badly to study what I really wish to study. I used to hate them for treating me in such a way. Controlling every single step of mine as though I can't walk by myself. Kept on saying that I am force to study in APIIT, cursing APIIT like mad, hating my parents partially. However, when I meet with the Lord, I thank God for every single thing planned in my life. If my parents didn't send me to APIIT, I will never have the chance to meet with the Lord and got converted. If my parents didn't send me to APIIT, I will never realise that how important knowledge is. If my parents didn't send me to APIIT, I will never know how ugly the business world can be... So many things I learnt throughout my study in APIIT.

God once told me that there's no such thing as "I am force to do it". There's no one in this world that is capable of forcing you to take your step unless you can't think for yourself (eg baby). The decision is in your hand... I could have stand up and fight with my parents but I didn't. I myself, made the decision to come to APIIT. Since it is so, I shouldn't have put blame on my parents! How immature I am.... Thank God once again as He has allowed me to see all this... To know that every single things that happened in my life, happened for a reason. Regardless of whether is it a bad thing or a good news, there's always a reason behind it why God plan it that way...

I think a lot lately... Somehow, I can't concentrate well in study but my head kept on pushing me to think of my life... I have no idea why but all I know is God is leading me. Monday is my final and I still can't seems to get things into my head... My head... Really "something wrong"..... Pray for me please...