Monday, December 11, 2006

Happy now?

I just wish to have a peaceful day... The hardest month of all... Can I just have a day off? For just one day... I am struggling with my DB study and that is not enough? What you actually want from me? Can't you just be direct? Why kept on pushing me to the end of the road? Can't you just be direct in your speech? What is in your mind that caused all this? I am trying my level best to let go of the past and live a life in the present but why forced me to think back on what happened last year? You always told me it's the past, let go of it for heaven sake and move on! Why now asking me to think back on what happened to us last year? Contradicting...

I just wish to get off fights.. That is what I want... I don't wish to start a fight yet at this time, when I am trying my level best to concentrate in my study for today final exam, you came in... Anything else you wish to add on? Any more comments? Any more places in me that made you feel unhappy about it? If yes, tell me now. Tell me straight and I appreciate that effort more than you can imagine. As you know, I hate people who go around the bushes then tell me what is in their heart indirectly, assuming that I know what is in their heart. I am not God.... This I need to clarify.. I am not God... I am not as "smart" as you think I am. Other girls might catch your message but not me! Tell me straight what you want from me! I am really tired of fighting with you without any reason. DARN TIRED!

Don't feel sorry for my life... I know what I am believing, I know what I am looking forward at. Sorry if you are not in the same line with me. We are from different background and culture. So don't take your own life as a benchmark for mine. It doesn't work that way. I don't wish to live a life like your's because I went through it previously... Yes, you might said what I went through are just peanuts compared to your's but it is more than enough to open up my "eyes". I know how different it is from who I am now. I choose to be in that way... I made the decision myself.

You haven taste what I have tasted, so don't straight away put a judgement on me that I don't have a life. My life, doesn't belong to me... It is God's... For your information, I haven study my DB at all due to many distraction... I am really tired in talking... Just tell me what you really want from me. A chance is given to you before I end this once and for all. I will not speak anything to you anymore unless I really need to speak. This will be the last... The last time I am writing all this. I am not in a good condition to take care of all this... I am tired..

Use whatever reverse phycology, phycology ways of your's on me.. I don't care nor mind... Use whatever thing that you think you can change me... I have no comment on it... All I want you to know is... It's useless... Because my stand will still be the same.. I will still choose to hold on to God. I think now it will be a joyful moment for you since I will officially leave your life. Enjoy the peacefulness....

2 comments:

n said...

i will leave first...dun worry..as i know what u r trying to do...take care..n all the best in your future...god bles..

- @ 3.3 @ - said...

trust me.. U duno what I am doing. I might be predictable but not every single time.

It doesn't matter anymore whether or not you leaving the scene or not.. Damage has been done and nobody can deny that fact. Don't wish to know anything further regarding this.

If you think you are doing the right thing then carry on. As I always said to you, it's your life and you have full control towards it. Make your decision and don't regret about it later on.

Every decision we made will carry a consequence... I am well prepared to receive the consequences. Yes, it might be hurting to my heart or will it be healing? I do not know... But let everything be done in His way.

Good luck in your future. God bless you too.