Troubled mind...

I am going through a miserable life lately... Well, what can I say? It is all caused by my own hand... God reminded me one thing through CF, having conviction of sins doesn't mean you are a Christian. That is only a part of being a Christian. So what you have conviction of sin? Are you fighting your sins with God's word? Do you hate your sins? Do you put a stop towards it? Do you pray specifically for strength to overcome your sins? Do you kill your own desires? If I manage to put a stop towards my own desires, is that a lasting effect? There's so many in my head... If I were to write down all those in this post, the post will be drag on... Only God knows precisely what is in my head...

I had a bad news on Friday... I was totally crushed by it... I woke up today, sitting on my bed, asking myself, is that true? Is that what it is happening all the while but my eyes were blinded? I really thank God for opening my "blind" eyes. Yes, I don't deny that the truth always hurt but it is the truth that brings life, isn't it? I pray and pray for the feeling to leave me... I didn't want to have any relationship with those feeling... The aching heart, the shivering hand, the numb body, the puzzle thinking, the malfunction brain is the only description I can used to describe myself.

I was chatting with my friends while I was writing this post. I realise that human can't be trusted. Suddenly, what happened yesterday flash back in my head... Saddening... Words are so sweet, but in reality, all those are lies. People stabbing another person at the back is such a common thing in my life. How well they portrait themself as... How loving they describe themself are... How touching when they said that you are always in their head before they think about themselve... Only one thing I wanted to let them know... Don't say something when you don't meant it. If you don't tend to keep your promises don't even bother to mension it. Don't tell me that time passes by, people will change. Yes, I know that sentence well. Since you know that you will change, why tell me things as though you are so certain that you won't change for the rest of your life?

Liars? I don't know.. I don't know how to categories people like this. I don't think they even know what I feeling now is seriously painful. I know all things are under God's control, everything happened in my life for a purpose. I think it is because I didn't learn my lesson well for the past few years, hence God allowed these type of situation to come in my life again and again. Making sure that I learn my lesson well and hold on strong on Him.

What is right and what is wrong? I lost my definition on this two terms... People claimed that due to environment, they changed, therefore, what they said previously are not valid. Is that right? Why then it is wrong when I didn't carry out what I said? Is there any fairness in such situasion? Well, human will always be human isn't it? They can never be the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Only God can... I really need to learn to put trust in Him rather than men.

I am greatly troubled lately, but tomorrow will be a brand new start for me... Another Sabbath day.. =) Awaiting for the moment where God's word recharge me again... Another moment of happiness...