The mute 33

It's almost 1210 in the morning and I am still awake... Don't ask me why... Though I feel tired but my brain and heart doesn't seems to link together... Sad?? Yes, I am... Not denying that fact at all.... Why? As I said in the previous post, I am not going to spill the beans.... Hahaha... God knows exactly what happened in my life....

Sometimes, I am wondering... Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I have been praying for the day to come but when God answered my prayer, I suddenly wish to take back what I have uttered all this while... However, I know the future is in God's hand... Nobody can change that fact.... I know His plan is the best for us... I just wish calm myself down... Taking that as a reality is not as easy as I think it is... The pain is so great that I can hardly breathe... How I wish I could just leave everything and meet with the Lord... I really thought I was prepared for the day... But I fail to control the pain... I hate to admit that it is happening right now... In front of my eyes, it happened.... Sometime, I really wish to be a mute... Will that be better for me? Will my decision still be the same then?

Things will still be the same I guess... His will... Let it be done.... I just hope that I have the strength to go on... The strenght to move on... To continue on breathing for Him... May I be patient on His plan... I know I will be greatly rewarded at the end of the day...

My short term goal now? I just wish to save more money... Why?? To fulfill my small little desire in my heart... I just wish to get myself involve in the grooming industry and go to Japan if possible after my graduation... Can I achieve it? Yes.... In my sweet, sweet dream....

Chinese New Year

Well, well, well... Happy Chinese New Year to all the reader(s), if I have.... Hahaha.... How was your chinese new year celebration? Boring? Excited? Happy? Sad? Mine? A combination of sad (Don't ask, don't wish to tell), happy (meet up with family and relatives), anticipating (for ang pow and foods =P), excited (firework), boring (watching TV most of the time), a little of stress as my family is getting bigger and bigger each year... Many relatives were asking me where is my "partner". "I left my partner in a deserted place... Hence... I am waiting for him to come back and find me.... If he manage to come back early, you might have the chance to meet with him. If not, I will continue on with my "lonely" journey..." Nah... I am currently not interested in a relationship as I have a lot of things unsettle... Is it wrong to be single that long? NO, I am not a lesbian... Hahaha.... And the last one will be.... Feelings beyond words.... Hmmm.... Why beyond words?? Continue reading then... =)

My First day of CNY

Sitting in a comfortable and nice Toyota Camry.... Acting cool on the first day of Chinese New year... I was actually going out for visiting... Tired....

*Few hours later*

Introducing my cute little niece... She is cute? Yes?? Did I hear you saying that?? Did I hear wrongly??? NOUUU!!!! SHE IS DARN NAUGHTY!!!!!! SUPER DUPER NAUGHTY!!!! Hahaha... She likes to eat sweets a lot! Madness! Darn naughty! She bully me!!!!!!! Hahaha... Bully my cute little DOGGIE!!!! Feel like hitting her but I can't T.T My DOGGIE!!!!! T.T She is clever though... Hahaha... She wanted to eat sweets and asked me to open it for her, I told her to ask permission from her mom as her mom doesn't allowed us to give her sweet to eat. She even got bitting from her dad due to consuming too much of sweets. Do you know how she answer me when I asked her to ask permission? "Jie jie, you go ask mamaaaaaa......." I told her if she were to eat, she will need to ask herself as I am not eating. *Almost crying, innocent look* "I don't wannnnnnnttttttt......" Hahaha... I straight away said, don't give me that look and go and ask your mom... Ganas??? Hahahah... Children.... What to do??? Hai... Ended up, she go with my another niece and she got the permission to eat~ Hahaha...

My handsome nephew.... I darn "love" him!~ Hahahah.. So darn handsome!!!!

I told him I wanted to snap a photo of him and this is the look he gave me... DARN CUTE!!! *Another person who bully my doggie =.=" * Acting cool... Hahaha... I told him to smile for me... And....

So darn cute fellow... Hahaha... So like him! The story didn't end there... I asked him to wear my sunglasses... Hahaha...

Isn't he adorable?? Hehehe... Hmm... How come all his pictures?? =P Ok la.. I show you all another picture... Hahah...

My another niece... Hahaha... I took a picture with her... She is naughty as well... The only thing I heard from her is... "Disappear", "I WANT!!!!", "I DON'T WANT!!!!" Hahahaha... Cute little baby.... Every single things she see, she wants to get hold on it... My grandma's house has a big fan (Chinese type, not the fan on the ceiling ya) on the wall as decoration... She... Pointing at the fan and shouted "I want!!!"... Doink.. Hahaha... So darn cute.. Hahah...

She... Considered as a cry baby... Hahaha... Don't even try to take away her pillow.... Her "pao bei"!!! *Meaning treasure* Hahaha... Same niece but look so different?? One looks so cheerful and this picture showed the opposite feeling of her's... Hhaha... So cute.. Below is picture of her elder sister....

She and her precious Hello Kitty. *Her sister actually used the Hello Kitty to "mop" the floor!!! =.=" *

OK...... What is next??? *Looking through my camera....* Emmm.... No more picture... Hahahaha... Ok.... Hope you enjoy reading.. Hahaha....

Allow me to pray...

Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it.

-Rabindranath Tagore

Burdened heart on Valentine?

It's the season of the year... *Smile* Happy Valentine days to all the readers out there... May you enjoy yourself on this day...

Me??? Want to listen to my story??? Sad stories, I have tonnes of them... Love story? I have none to share.. Hahah... Still wish to listen now? If yes, continue reading... No? There's a "X" at the top right hand side of the browser... Click on it and U-lala.. You will not see this page anymore... Magic... =P

I was actually quite disturbed by people around me lately.... Am I being too sensitive? Am I being too observant? Should I act as if I don't know anything but reality I actually know the truth? Should I act as though I have not seen all those incident in front of my eyes and just continue on with my work? Should I then act dumb as a donkey and take it as nothing happen in reality? Sometimes, I really don't know which way should I take.. The left or should I take the right turning? Why is it that everytime when I think that the left will be a better road but ended up I am being placed in a situation where I can't even continue on walking?

I really don't understand people around me.... Maybe I am the only person who think that way... It really start to bother me a little for the past few days as the case got more complicate... Is there really a necessary for you to lie to me? I really don't get it... Why lie when you can just tell me the truth? Am I that scary up till the point that if I know the truth I will kill you or threaten you? What is past IS PAST! Don't bring up the issue and link it together with your current life... I am really sick of that attitude... VERY SICK! Whether are you aware of this or not I am still going to say it out... I know what is a lie and what is the truth... If you really think that a lie is necessary... Then continue on with your lie.. I am not bother after much thinking... Why should I anyway??? Your life... Your own decision, your own choice... Then may the consequeces be bare by yourself...

I really don't know what is going on in your head.. I can still guess a little on the issues that is bothering you but ultimately, if you don't speak up, I have no rights to interfere your life.... If you wish to talk, I will be there to be your ears... If not, I have nothing to do but to pray... I leave this issue aside as I really think that it is useless for me to be burden towards it and nothing can be done.... I can only hope that the Lord will lead me in the way I treat you... It is a brand new year and I don't wish to get involve in all this issue anymore... I am tired... Really tired to change my way of doing things just because you are unhappy with some issue... I just wish to be honest towards myself.. At least, if I were to meet up with God, I can justify myself...

I know partially what you are going through as well, hopefully, what I am thinking in my head now is not the issue that leads you to act in such a way... If it is... The only thing I can say is... I know partially it is my wrong... Looking at my past... I know what I have done with my own hands and legs... However, I have clear things off before I left the "place"... What else do you want me to do? I have make things CLEAR!!!! Am I not straight enough on my feelings and thoughts?? Am I not??? We are human... I know... We still need time to really leave the "place" and go on with our life.. But I LEFT long ago.... I move on with life... Why don't I deserve a second chance to prove myself right?

I.... Don't know what is my next step... Let God determine it....

Valentine Day

Valentine is just around the corner but besides than all those florists who are making tonnes of money and the chocolate price hiking up, I still take that day as a normal day in my life. Yes, no doubt that being single through all this year is really a challenge to me. Patiently waiting for my next relationship to knock on my door is really a challenge... Why? Too many things to consider before I were to jump into a new relationship.. Am I raedy for a new relationship? A person who can't find contentment in God will never find contentment in this worldly place, which indicate that you are not ready for one relationship. Am I content?

I used to hear people saying "I love You, Lord" but is that really from the heart? I started to think a lot of things lately.... I always like to say "I love You, Lord" but it really strike me when I started to think whether is that really from the bottom of my heart.. How can a person who is so in love betray the trust of her lover? Is there such statement? In my opinion, that statement doesn't exist. A person who really loves you, will die for you and will not do something that hurts you. Am I doing the same for the Lord?

A girl, who is so lucky to have guy that loves her regardless of what she has done wrong and never let go of her hands. Unfortunately, that girl's eye sight doesn't seem to be focusing on that guy rather on another guy that doesn't love her at all. Why is this happening? Yes, you might say that because that guy who loves the girl is not fated to be with her, hence, nothing can be done on it. However, I really wish to know why the girl doesn't want to let go the guy's hand straight away instead of holding on and dragging his life? Yes, I know that the guy loves the girl a lot and willing to stay by her side even though she is just using him. But why???

I think many of my friends out there experienced this feeling often... A person who is taking your love for granted just because she/he knows that you love him/her. Pathetic people... Yes, including me as well. I really wish that I realise that earlier and things will not be the same anymore... I always believe that what goes around comes around. How you treat people, that is how people will treat you back in return.

I think I am starting to talk nonsense here... Hahaha... Allow God to change my deceiveful heart..

Funny survey form

I really can't stop laughing on this lecturer! He somehow reminded me of one of our APIIT lecturer... Hmmm.. If you know who I meant.. Hahaha.. The Indian slang.. However, do enjoy the show.. It is a bit long but trust me.. It is worth the time loading and watching it! Hahaha..

Japanese Pranks

Hahaha.. I really solute Japanese people... All those tricks and pranks they came out with is really "dangerous" and embarrassing moment for the victim! Darn bad!!! But their ideas are really creative... I was just browsing through YouTube to find out something and I saw this... STUPID!!! Imagine how cold the victim will be... Tsk Tsk Tsk... Enjoy...

Stress up

The only word I can used to decribe myself is basically tired and stress up.. I am piled up with tonnes of assignments. I got 4 assignments on hand now.. Having 3 group assingnments and 1 individual. Another individual will come in next week... Madness... I am really stress up.. All the VB programs are not working and I need all those program to do my current assignment! T.T Feel like dying... I am really stress up...

My classes?? So far.... So "GOOD"... Want to have a look at my timetable?? Nah... I better not.. I think you will faint when you see that.. Basically.. The time I spent in the college is longer than the time I spent at home! My classes are really bad for 3 subjects... 2 of them (MAD and IDM), I have no idea what on earth the lecturers are teaching as basically, they don't really have experience in taeching. In addition, they don't really understand the subject itself... I.... Totally wave my white flag to them... They are making me more confuse about those subjects! =.="

A special thanks to my MAD lecturer, now I am totally lost in DFD and context diagram. I also wish to extend my gratitude to him again as he had added in more "harsh words" in my vocabulary... As for another subject (HCI), the lecturer seems ok but then.... He likes to read from the slide... Furthermore, he likes to gives us exercise on designing interface but he took too long to discuss those exercise... For instant, he asked us to design a interface for 3 devices for the supermarket which is a trolley that can calculate the total price of the goods in the trolley, a bar code scnner that tells the customer(s) regarding the goods' price and a credit card/debit card machine. He gave us 45 minutes just to create 3 simple interface and on top of that.. The time doesn't include discussing the answer with the whole class... =.=" There goes... One class has ended... Happy? NO!!!! I didn't learn anything but drawing??

After classes, normally, I will be in the library working. However, as I don't have a strong body, normally I will head home to rest.. Yet I am being "complain" that I am so weak... Why? Because, they used to study until evening and continue working until midnight. Yo... Different generation, different body and different mentality... You can't blame me as I can't work... I am not working as a full time there... I just need a break!!!!!

I am stuck with my work in the library... Every move I made, seems to be so so wrong. Every words I speak, seems to be so hurting and spoken at a wrong timing. What on earth happened? I really am blur actually.. After a day of lecturer... I will be blur.. Information overloaded... I really wish to give up everything and just sleep! Why???? Furthermore, they required for a WEEKLY meeting.. I am dead... How am I going to handle? I have no idea... Pushing myself to the limit?

After classes and work, my day doesn't end there... I still need to do errands.... Sometimes... When I come to think about it... If it is not the strength of God... I think I will probably just hang myself and die.. Tired... Really tired and lazy to even think.. Lately.. I don't really have sleeping problem as I am too tired... I will just fall flat on my bed and meet with my "darling" in my dreams.

This is basically my daily routine... Normally at night.. I will be doing some research on my assignments or doing my assignments... Sigh... Life is darn dulL!!!!!! I want to go out and SHOP!!!!!!!!

Oh ya... I fell in love with this song... Hehehe... Enjoy...